The importance of soft skills in professional development, expectations regarding success, and how they influence both work and personal life were some of the topics covered in the online conference “The Key to Success: A Myth Unveiled.”
The event took place on February 11, 2021, as part of the Interpersonal Communication and Negotiation Workshop for the Bachelor’s Degree in Management and Administration at Universidad ORT Uruguay.
Julio Decaro—director of CMI Interser, a Doctor of Medicine from the University of the Republic who has studied negotiation at Harvard University, the Mental Research Institute (United States), and the Private Institute of Medical Psychology (IPPEM)—spoke.
Decaro is the author of the books *The Human Side of Negotiation*, *The Day I Woke Up Twice*, and *The Key Is Not to Understand... It Is to Realize*, and a co-author of the books *Negotiation 2000* and *Experiences from the Bottom Rung*.
A good and happy life
The expert encouraged the participants to pay mindful attention to the concept of success and view it from a philosophical perspective, which would ultimately allow them to eliminate a great deal of unnecessary suffering from their lives.
“My goal is to reduce unnecessary suffering in myself and those around me, having realized that if those around me are doing better, I’m doing better too,” Decaro said, adding that kindness is a key part of happiness: “Happy people are kind, though not all kind people are happy.”
The expert invited the conference attendees to think of a significant achievement in their lives. He explained that, usually, when he asks this question at conferences, people tend to focus on specific, individual achievements—such as graduating, getting married, or buying a car or a house—rather than thinking about leading a good and happy life by helping others.
The Myth of Success
The expert delved into the myth of winners and losers. In that regard, he wondered to what extent people are responsible for—or innocent of—their actions.
“I used to think that everything I had was the result of my own hard work, but now I’m beginning to understand that it’s a gift from the entire universe,” Decaro said. “The bread on my table is the result of the baker’s work, of the person who brings the flour, of the person who packages it, and of the person who harvests the wheat—all of which depend on the sun, the rain, and countless living beings.”
“Whenever I eat, I never forget to give thanks and acknowledge everyone’s efforts that make it possible for me to have bread. I’m not entirely responsible for the food on my table. I plead not guilty.”
The real secret to “success,” he noted, is that everything in the universe must fall into place; behind every achievement lies an infinite chain of events that make it possible. It is a mistake to believe that success depends solely on oneself, the expert stated.
“We tend to draw a line between winners and losers, but winners and losers are connected. What is the chain that binds them? Comparison. You can compare yourself to the past, the future, to someone else, to what you saw in a book or a movie—to anything,” Decaro said.
“The roots of comparison lie in fear. When we compare ourselves to others, we know we may not be able to surpass the other person or the ideal we’re measuring ourselves against. We might achieve our goal only to lose it later, or someone else might come along who is more famous or powerful. Fear is always present when we compare ourselves to others.”
“When we succeed, we take credit for it. When things go wrong, we usually blame someone else or external circumstances,” he added.
Faced with a new challenge, Decaro recommended that everyone focus on their goals, first by taking care of what needs to be done and then by trusting that things will work out. “Stick to your plans; it’s okay if they happen, and it’s okay if they don’t.”